I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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