The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
