A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
