i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
