we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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