i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
