Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
