u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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