Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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