Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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