Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my being single is dangerous.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
where are my eyebrows?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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