forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
