I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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