mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
