Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
