There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
