I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
