We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
