hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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