No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
