bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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