i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
