yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
