Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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