kristin has been a bad kristin
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
