PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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