Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
