I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
