so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
