Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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