no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
