Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
