my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
