just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
