it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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