I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
