So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
