I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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