you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
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Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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