I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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