first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
