I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
