I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
