I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
