beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
