When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize