Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's blow job season.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
