in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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