I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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