Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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