Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
