Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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