how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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