Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
