she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
