Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
